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There is ONLY Feedback; a Reframe on Failure

by delucaw1 in Industry News

How many times have you failed in your professional career and your life?  And, how many of those failures still haunt you To.This.Very.Day? What if there are no failures ONLY feedback?

What is Feedback?

Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary defines feedback as helpful information or criticism that is given to someone to say what can be done to improve a performance, product, etc.  Feedback gets a somewhat negative connotation. A fair number of people equate feedback to situations or events that didn’t go so well, in other words, a failure. Some people get uncomfortable with feedback because they have had a negative experience with either giving it or receiving it (usually receiving it) and in their minds the act of feedback can feel confrontational. A good test for your opinion of feedback is to reflect on a time when you heard the phrase ‘feedback is a gift’. Did you cringe, roll your eyes or were you neutral or even excited with the concept of feedback as a gift?

Why is it a gift?

The key word in the definition is ‘helpful’.  Most people have positive intention behind giving their observations. For my engineering friends, think of the new product development cycle.  If you launched a concept to alpha testers and got NO feedback, was that helpful or not? Product insights lead to iterations, revisions that make the product better, more marketable, more useful and ultimately more revenue producing. We expect feedback, both positive and negative with our products, but why not ourselves?

Reframes:

A reframe is a tool to take a concept and either change the meaning or the context.  It separates intention from behavior and often causes obstacles, problems and objections to dissipate.
Here’s some of examples:

Problem:  “I get nervous before performance reviews with my manager.”
Reframe:  “Energy is just energy.  Could all that energy just be excitement?”

Problem:  “I’m frustrated and that makes me feel like I just don’t belong on this team.”
Reframe:  “By feeling frustrated, that means you are engaged and applying yourself.  Frustration typically precedes learning and a higher level of understanding. You do belong on this team.”

Problem: “He’s too headstrong.”
Reframe:  “Isn’t it awesome that he can stand up for himself?”

Two Simple and Effective Exercises to Reframe Feedback:

When I first heard the idea that there are no failures ONLY feedback, I felt moderately relieved and liberated; it was another ‘a ha’ moment for me. Yes, no failures only learning! And yet later on, I still had this lingering negative feeling.  It was then that I realized that I fell into the camp of feedback is largely negative. I was given two simple exercises that changed my mindset.

• Look for positive feedback throughout your day.  We get positive feedback ALL the time. Getting a smile or wave from a co-worker, someone complimenting your presentation, your manager saying ‘nice work’, a hug from your child, spotting a lucky penny on the cafeteria floor.  Some gestures are obvious and big, others are subtle. Spend a few days or a week looking for positive sentiments in everyday, jot the examples down.
  
• Remember a time when you received a highly anticipated, exiting gift; a specific time?  It can be a material or non-material gift. When you think back to that time, do you have a picture?  What did you see, what did you feel, what did you hear right before you received that gift? Remember that and associate it to feedback as a gift.

I’ll never forget one manager telling me, ‘worry when it stops.’  I asked what he meant. He said, if people didn’t care about you they wouldn’t say anything.  As a result, I often build in feedback as part of my every day. Another example I won’t forget, one leader always ended her meetings with what went well and what do “I” need to change for next time.  This best practice was hugely effective in building an effective team.

I hope you found this presupposition helpful!  Adopting a learner’s mindset can alleviate many frustrations, as well as teach us some things along the way.

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As adults we spend the bulk of our waking hours ‘at work’.  We only have a finite amount of time on this planet, and you can choose how to spend that time.  I wish you much success on your career quest. Yours in balance, learning, growth and harmony. – Melissa DeLuca, CEO