The “F” word in business – feelings
I’m really frustrated! I’m having a shitty day! We all have them, don’t we? I can make all the excuses in the world. Like, the time change has affected my sleep, This caused me to ignore my alarm. As a result, I had to rush through my morning. I missed the ideal commute traffic window and got stuck behind some really slow ‘wide load’ trucks. Consequently, I was 15 minutes late for my first meeting. And, we all know if the day starts late and we are in back to back meetings, then it can have a compound effect. We often don’t talk about navigating emotions in the workplace. Today, let’s begin to chat about the “F” word in business, feelings.
It’s ONE life
What happens at home trickles into the workplace. What happens at work can impact relationships. Major life changes affect a career. You get the gist. Why is there no crying in baseball? We told to keep a ‘stiff’ upper lip, why? Is there gender disparity when it comes to expressing emotions, especially at work? Unexpressed emotions can seriously harm your health. Yet, we stay in our heads and ignore our feelings.
Express to decompress
So what’s the value of getting people to express what they’re actually feeling, rather than keeping things inside? The answer is that naming our emotions tends to release their charge and lighten the burden they create. The psychologist Dan Siegel refers to this practice as “name it to tame it.” Emotion is energy in motion. There have been some studies that suggest that if we allow emotion to flow, it takes 90 seconds to pass (or several waves of 90 seconds). Dr. Joan Rosenberg, in her book, 90 Seconds to a Life you Love, talks about this approach in much more detail.
P.A.M.O.
I had a colleague at Cisco that coined the acronym (because we need more of them in high-tech): P.A.M.O. Which stands for Process And Move On! It became a verb, I PAMO’d it. It requires that we make the time and space to process. I find that when I give myself time between conversations, even as little as 10 – 15 minutes to feel what I’m feeling and question my thinking, I am more present and ready for what’s next.
So how are you REALLY feeling? Take a minute and scan your body. Are you clenching your jaw? Is your tongue on the roof of your mouth? Do you have tension in your shoulders or chest? Name it to tame it! To help you, here’s a list of common unpleasant feelings: sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability. Next week, we’ll continue to chat about the “F” word in business.
We only have a finite amount of time on this planet, and you can choose how to spend that time.
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I wish you much success in your career quest. Yours in balance, learning, growth and harmony. – Melissa DeLuca, CEO
