Respect, is it a lost skill in the workplace?
Respect, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is an act of giving particular attention, high or special regard. Respect is often accompanied by a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important or serious. It is a very important life and business skill to have. And yet, when we look at any topic today there seems to be more examples of disrespect and divide. Today, we will explore the first presupposition of Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP: Respect for the other person’s model of the world.
For my friends who appreciate context: What is NLP?
What is NLP? Neurolinguistic Programming is leveraging the language of the mind to consistently achieve specific and desired outcomes. It’s an attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques that allows you to navigate through any situation successfully. NLP was developed by John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Grinder had a background in linguistics and Bandler’s background was in mathematics and gestalt therapy. Their focus, back in the seventies, was centered upon making explicit models of human excellence. This later evolved into some of the common NLP techniques and NLP theory that is still being used and adapted today. So, can you imagine being proficient at demonstrating respect?
What is respect to you?
In the countless hours I have with spent with executives, employees, coworkers there are themes that emerge. While people often don’t label the situation with the word respect or disrespect, they often cite examples of what respect or lack thereof means to them. These situations usually involve some type of infringement on something they value like time, attention, affirmation. What does respect mean to you? To some getting interrupted when speaking is disrespectful, for others interruptions are standard like being in an Italian family (for example).
Respect for the other person’s model of the world.
Respect for the other person’s model of the world is the suggestion that before any exchange happens you assume a position of respect. You get curious about them and their point of view. You demonstrate respect in a way that matters to them. It’s a great best practice to start with ‘what do you need from me in this meeting, conversation, etc’. Consequently. this requires that you suspend your agenda and judgement. This is key especially when the opinion or topic goes against what you know or believe.
Simple ways to demonstrate respect:
- Have the conversation about what respect means for you and for them, set those healthy boundaries, bi-directionally. For me, being late to a meeting and being on your laptop the whole time isn’t OK. For one of my former team members, one of her respect requests was no email on the weekends.
- Practice active, empathetic listening. Most people enjoy and appreciate being heard. Here’s an older Psychology Today article that is still salient for today: AEL
- Be aware of your non-verbals. Depending on which research study, most indicate that 50 – 70+% of communication is non-verbal. If you are bouncing your foot, sighing and rolling your eyes do you think your employee will feel respected?
- Avoid the email, chat, text trap. I prefer the rule of 5. If you have had five back and forth email exchanges, then it’s highly likely a conversation is warranted. Know when to schedule a conversation.
- Ground in the vernacular. Meaning, make sure the meaning of key concepts and words is clear and understood across all parties. My favorite example here is ‘collaboration’. It does not mean the same thing to all parties. One executive declared, ‘well, I cc’d him on the email’. Needless to say the ‘cc’d’ executive didn’t agree that collaboration happened.
- Give credit where credit is due. If you leveraged a colleague’s or employee’s idea, let them know AND make it known to executive management and organization (if appropriate)
- Say Please and Thank You. Say them often and sincerely, please and thank you
I hope you found the presupposition of respect for someone’s model of the world helpful! In conclusion, adopting a learner’s mindset can alleviate many frustrations, as well as teach us some things along the way.
Are you ready?: Press HERE for Success.
As adults we spend the bulk of our waking hours ‘at work’. We only have a finite amount of time on this planet, and you can choose how to spend that time. I wish you much success on your career quest. Yours in balance, learning, growth and harmony. – Melissa DeLuca, CEO
