You know what assume means, right?
I’ve been sharing how I’ve been integrating the principles of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz into my life for the past couple of years. The Four Agreements are: 1) Be Impeccable with Your Word. 2) Don’t Take Anything Personally. 3) Don’t Make Assumptions. 4) Always Do Your Best. I discussed 4) Always Do Your Best , 1) Be Impeccable with Your Word and 2) Don’t Take Anything Personally. This week, I’ll wrap up the series with 3) Don’t Make Assumptions.
Ass-u-me = assume:
Cue the Electric Company skit. Ok, most people have heard the old saying that assuming ‘makes an ass out of you and me’. If you haven’t heard this saying, then maybe it was a regional colloquialism? The interesting thing about assumptions is that we believe they are real. Again, we often don’t consciously recognize that we are making assumptions, it’s just simply how we’ve learned to communicate. Therefore, we make assumptions, we misunderstand, then take it personally and the downward spiral starts. According to the book, because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, believe they are right, defend them and try to make someone else wrong. As a result, assumptions set us up for drama and associated suffering.
What’s behind assumptions?
Remember the concept of personal importance from the second agreement, Don’t Take Anything Personally? Personal importance is the assumption that people judge the way we judge, think like we think, feel the way we feel; in other words, the assumption that everything is about ‘me’. Additionally, this is also the primary energy behind why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. The fear others will judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.
Tips for Don’t Make Assumptions:
- Decide to stop making assumptions. Making the decision alone will begin to change how you view your interplays throughout the day. What I found was I made assumptions a good percentage of the time about most things during my day. And, the primary theme was I didn’t want to waste time getting clarification. Additionally, what I found was I actually wasted MORE time because I was often incorrect about my assumptions. I thought of adopting this agreement like a personal time efficiency gain.
- Ask questions, lots of questions. I don’t know about you, but this one took some time to embrace. I was comfortable asking “A” clarifying question, but when I didn’t fully understand the response, the fear of judgement reared its ugly head and I often didn’t go any further. This takes leadership courage. The courage to keep asking questions until you are as clear as you can be. And, even then, don’t assume you fully know everything about the situation.
- Ask for what you want and need. Do you want more information about the project? Do you need for your idea to be fully heard or vetted? Do you want to be promoted? Do you want to speak without being interrupted?
- Recognize your communication habits. Give yourself time after each meeting (or at the end of the day) to do a quick check-in, what assumptions did you make? Watch your day like a movie and note where the lead character ‘missed’ something or looked perplexed or felt frustrated. Did the lead character really ‘know’ what was going happening?
I hope you found the series discussion about The Four Agreements, helpful. When you adopt this practice, you tend to notice the positive impact in your life. Negative words, ideas and intentions don’t land like they used to, if at all. You feel more positive, happy and at peace with yourself. You know you are using your power (of words) for good and not evil. Yes, you go, superhero.
Are you ready?: Press HERE for Success
As adults we spend the bulk of our waking hours ‘at work’. We only have a finite amount of time on this planet, and you can choose how to spend that time. I wish you much success on your career quest. Yours in balance, learning, growth and harmony. – Melissa DeLuca, CEO
